Don't Get Ruff With Your Finances. It Bites!

This week, I’m offering some thoughts on marriage and finances.  

First, consider the human body.  In extreme weather conditions such as the cold which can result in the different stages of hypothermia, the body has a way of reacting in such a way that will allow the person to stay alive until help is available.  Your body, in a way, has a mind of its own, in the sense that it will literally recognize that it’s in distress, and it needs to switch to survival mode.  Realizing that it is in trouble, the body will stop pumping blood to extremities (your hands and feet), and redirect the focus of that blood flow to the core of the body.  Your organs and your brain.  The vitals.  That which is ABSOLUTELY CRUCIAL for your survival.  It instinctively knows, “This is what I need to do to keep this body alive.”  Your body will go to the extremes of losing fingers, toes, etc in order to keep the rest of you alive.  

Now take what I have just described about what the body instinctively knows, and compare that to what we humans do not instinctively know.  When we have opportunities as a newly married couple, or even an older married couple, we have an obligation to the other person involved in that relationship, and that obligation is to familiarize ourselves with each other.  The ultimate obligation, or duty of married couples is to nurture and foster healthy and loving relationships right from the get-go without getting distracted.  Nobody with any common sense deliberately goes and place distractions above relationships.  When we do so, we are choosing to “pump blood” to our fingers and our toes, rather than our brain and other organs necessary for our absolute survival.  We need to be doing whatever is necessary in order to keep our core alive.  

When I was finishing up my mission, I was filling out a rough draft of a year plan for my first full year home from my mission.  There are sections on schooling, finances, dating, marriage, etc.  I was discussing with my dad what his thoughts on finances and marriage were, including finances within a marriage.  He told me that there is no shame in struggling financially at the very beginning of a marriage.  In fact, he went as far as to say that some of his fondest moments with my mom were when they did not have much money.  But, he warned me that there is shame in making poor financial decisions in marriage.  He then began to unload upon me all of his thoughts on how a newlywed couple should behave with one another, as well as with their finances at the very beginning of their marriage.  

He described for me how a newlywed couple should be focused on each other, focused on school, and so on.  Of course, this couple will have expenses to tend to.  They will have stressors, whether that be paying off tuition for school, paying for rent, paying for food, and other necessities. They remedy this by coming together and creating a budget. But, what’s shocking is watching that same couple, who are supposed to be careful with their spending and putting their money towards necessary things, go out and buy something extravagant. 

“Well, we need a hobby!”  Uh, no you don’t.  You need each other.

“Well, we need a dog!  We need something that we can care for in order for us to come closer with one anoth-”  NO, YOU DON’T.  You don’t need a distraction. You don’t need to care for anything else other than…?  Each other.

Remember what we talked about before: when the poo hits the air circulation device that hangs from the ceiling, the human body will instinctively shut down other distractions in order to focus on what will keep you alive.  But, we as human beings do not understand that we do not behave how the body reacts to life or death situations.  We willingly invite distractions into our lives, knowing full well that this might not be the best course of action, especially when it is a financial burden.