Parents

 I thought I would start off this blog post with some quotes I found about parents and their kids:

1. Silence is golden...unless you have kids.  Then, silence is suspicious.

2. There should be a children's song that goes, "If you're happy and you know it, keep it to yourself and let Dad sleep."

3. You wanna know what having a fourth child is like?  Just imagine you're drowning...and then someone hands you a baby. 

4. The trouble with being a parent is that by the time you think you're experienced, all of a sudden, you're unemployed.  

I also once heard from a wise, albino comedian named Jim Gaffigan, that being a parent is not that different from being a tourist in a foreign country.  With parenting and tourism, you walk around exhausted, spending money you don't have on things you don't need...while you struggle to find a bathroom.  Just somewhere to sit down. It's the same experience.

Anyways, enough with the silliness.  It’s time to be serious.  This blog is all about parenting, and I hope you’re okay with that.

Last week, I learned that the purpose of parents is to protect children and also prepare them to survive on their own.  Don’t get it twisted, I am not not not not not not not not talking about being bulldozer parents and mowing down obstacles as a way of “protecting” your children, because that’s a good way to foster future failures.  I had a friend who is washed up, and I am 100% sure that he is still living with his mom because she’s uncomfortable with him being uncomfortable, and is constantly shielding him from things that bring him discomfort.  In reality, parenting is all about being comfortable with being uncomfortable.  It’s how we grow.  Suppose for a moment that you want to develop muscle strength.  Is there any other way to strengthen yourself besides the common answer: working out?  The answer is no.  In order to become stronger, the only way you can develop muscle is through breaking it down and building it up again.  The same way goes for parenting and the development of a child.  In order to build our character and to make decent human beings out of the children we bring into this world is through stress and some pain.  Not physical abuse, but the emotional struggles that we face as families.  When there is stress, there is an opportunity for growth.  

There are two things that I have learned last week. The first is never overreacting when your child acts up, breaks a rule, and misbehaves.  What one does when rules are broken really makes a world of a difference between a good learning experience and fostering a feeling of anger and resentment in a child.  For me, I have a very short temper that I have struggled to get a bridle on.  And I’ll be frank for a moment: something that absolutely terrifies me is the thought of lashing out at little Christian Jr. when he does something that I would rather have had him not do.  I think the most important thing to remember is allowing our children’s frustrations and emotions to be heard, but also reminding them that there are better ways to express ourselves.  If a child is playing video games and you have asked them to take out the trash, but they haven’t, you could calmly ask “Hey, I see that you aren’t busy right now.  Do you remember what I asked you to do?”  If they get snarky, don’t get angry.  If you get angry, then walk away for a while.  What we are trying to do is cultivate a culture of openness in our home where we can talk in a calm manner about things.  

Lastly, I learned that if I want to be a good parent, I have to learn to be comfortable with being vulnerable.  Being vulnerable is a natural part of being intimate in our friendships and even our relationships with family members.  If we are not comfortable with being vulnerable, especially with our little ones, we are silently teaching that opening up makes you appear weak.  In truth, opening up makes you appear strong as you showcase your courage to have difficult conversations with your spouse or children.  I have been grateful for the times that my parents have been open with me about their experiences and their emotions.  Surely they might have picked and chosen what exactly to share with me when I was younger because of the appropriateness of the subject, but by coming down to my level, my respect for my parents increases, including my own willingness to open myself up to them. Although I still recognize that they are my parents, I see someone in them that I never really see: children who have grown up.